Optimism

I have a box that I keep full of things I had when I was younger. I found some poems and thought I would try to analyze them.

This one was probably written in middle school.


In my world
A day lasts forever
And one thought
Is immortal

The skies of my mind
Are boundless
Never do they maintain
A solid shape

When the clouds enter
A prominent view
The surface slips
Into darkness

When the clouds
Dissipate out of view
Then, only then
Do I know they were there

What are clouds
But a mortal mass?
What is pessimism
But a state of mind?

I now know
I must always remain
In the presence of light
Sunshine will rule the skies


I think I was describing how I felt when I would get a wave of depression. This is how pre-teen me felt like. I titled the poem 'Optimism in My Skies'.

I think I have become a very optimistic person in comparison to others I have met. Some other people see the world full of hunger and desperation, controlled by a human population that desires dominance and fights for control of resources. Someone told me they had no faith in humanity. That humanity uses war as a part of natural selection, like it has been bred into us. He said that there is only war, and when there is peace, it is not really peace, just a time to prepare for war. He said this will continue to be us for millions of years.

I do not think that way. It is natural for me to be optimistic. The Jesse of today believes in diplomacy and democracy, and believes the human condition will improve along with the advancement of technology. I see the ever contracting world as a good thing. As something that will bring us together, help us to have a better understanding of one another... and a desire to coexist peacefully.

I think this natural optimism within me, helped me overcome depression. I described the clouds as something that I could not see when it arrived or when it was hovering over me. That describes a state of mental distress. I could not recognize the signs, and this chemical imbalance held my optimistic spirit hostage. (It may not have been an imbalance, it could have simply been anxiety over the battle taking place within me as I tried to repress my sexuality)

Eventually I did start to recognize these patterns, and realize that these clouds are not something that will always be harming me emotionally. I knew I could fight through it and become a better, healthier person.

One day those clouds went away... for good.